I hate bullying. Not a bold statement, but as a person who's been bullied her whole life, I feel that it's finally time to tell my story. And the names used in this post are those that hurt me in some way. I'm not going to cover up their misdeeds against me.
It all started in Kindergarten (1990), a time of innocence and independence, as a child is learning to spread its wings for the first time, much like a young bird first venturing away from the nest. It was in that tiny classroom that I first encountered the cruel world of bullying. The culprit was not who you might think. It was not one of my classmates. No, instead it was one of the people my parents trusted to educate me. Yes, my teacher, Ms. Joan Brinston. She thought nothing of hitting students with a ruler if she thought they were out of line - it didn't matter where, either. Of those who had to endure the slap of the ruler, most of us were lucky if we got it across the hand. There are others, who I'll not name, who got it over the head. I remember a ruler breaking at one point. But when you're a child, and you're told this is someone who you can trust, you don't speak up. The mentality becomes that it's acceptable, because a person of authority is getting away with it. To this day, it was denied that there was ever any wrong doing, and that teacher took an early retirement. Although many will say that it was because she found another calling. But many of her former students know the truth.
From then on, it became clear that I was an easy target. The next year (1991), during lunch time a fellow classmate, Phillip Piercey, punched me in the stomach because we were fighting over a toy. I know he was told that it was wrong to do, but I can't remember if he was punished. I've since forgiven him, but I'll never forget how it felt.
There were numerous incidents throughout my school years. I remember one lunch time that someone broke paper clips and put them in my food while I wasn't looking. I'm not sure who would do such a thing, but I am thankful that another classmate saw that person doing it, and warned me not to eat it. I hate to think what might've happened had he not told me.
Another thing that stands out was someone pulling a chair out from me, thinking it was funny. Again it was one of my fellow classmates, Korlee Stacey, although I've since forgiven her as well. I remember something being done about it that time, which was a rare thing. The principal at the time went berserk. He had a friend that'd had a chair pulled out from them, and because of that, what one person thought was a harmless joke, his friend was now confined to a wheelchair for the rest of their life. Bullying is not harmless, and that's just the physical side of it.
The worst incident that I can remember still bothers me to this day. I was in Grade 8, I believe, and it was around Valentines Day. I had brought Valentines to school to give out to my friends (what few I had), and classmates. I had placed them in my locker before class and had gone about my day. Come lunch time, I decided to get my valentines and give them out, but imagine much to my shock and horror that my valentines were missing. I came to learn, through the honesty of a few good people that they'd been stolen from my locker, and burned. The culprit? Ryan Reid. Was he punished? Yes. But he merely got a slap on the wrist (1 day in school suspension). Why did he get off so easy, you ask? Its because his mother, one Cathy Bailey-Reid was Vice-Principal at the time. I'll never forgive her for that.
And what happened if I dared speak up for myself or push back when I was pushed? Good question. The principal called my home, telling my mother. Thankfully, she knew everything that I'd been through, and in not so many words told the principal not to call there again unless it was really worth calling about. Thanks, Mom.
Thankfully by the time I got to high school, things got better, but only because I hid the way I was. I was diagnosed with Aspergers, so I hid it. And although I didn't discover it until much later, I was bisexual. So I hid that too. Being different at that school made you stick out like a sore thumb, thus giving the bullies further reason to pick on you. Hiding my differences was just a way I got through high school.
But I got through it. I thought that once I was out of school, things would get better. And for a while, they did. Through Messenger, and later Facebook, I began to build a circle of friends who I trusted. People who cared about me. But with the joys of social media can also come the downfalls. Many the times I was called out through Facebook, or harassed on the old Great Big Sea website (if you can imagine that), or even worse, slandered on twitter. There's not much that wasn't said about me: I wanted to have Alan Doyle's kid (that I'll never deny. He's a good looking man. But its not going to happen, so the point is moot), I wanted to kidnap his son (um, what? Seriously? I'd never do that!), the accusations were endless. Thankfully that's all since stopped, and was ignored by the person who they were trying to get their point across to.
And there was the JUNO Awards dress blog post, where I was harshly made fun of for what I wore. My then girlfriend spent hours and a load of money to make that dress. To boost my confidence, and for that night, it did. Several people were quick to point out how good it looked on me. And I can honestly say that was one of the nicest feelings in the world.
Thankfully for now, there's been no bullying (well at least not that I know of), and life is good right now, but I want to leave you with this:
If you're a bully, I urge you to stop and think about what you're doing. You really have no idea what you are doing to that person (or maybe even people) that you're bullying. It doesn't matter how you do it; physical, mental, its all the same. Every form of bullying hurts.
If you see people bullying someone, tell someone about it, please. You don't know just how much that means to the person being picked on. It could be your actions that finally bring an end to what they've been going through.
And if you're being bullied, please stay strong. I know what its like for you, because I've gone through some of the same things, felt some of that same hurt. I know how hard it can be,but trust me, ending your life is never the answer. If you need a hand, I offer you mine. If you need an ear to listen, I'm here. I offer you my friendship and love. You are never truly alone!
Chin up, tomorrow will be here real soon!
