Thursday, November 14, 2013

The end?

So, it's with a heavy heart that I write this. Just a few hours ago, long time and founding member of Great Big Sea, Séan McCann, made this announcement:

My initial reaction was one of shock, as I'm sure was the feeling of many other fans. Then came the wondering why? Why now? Why is he leaving? Questions that only Séan can answer.

And then came fear. If Séan is leaving, does this mean its the end for Great Big Sea? I admit its crossed my mind, and it scares the hell out of me. For 11 years, Great Big Sea is all I've ever known. They have been my anchor that kept me here. They've been my lifeline that kept me from doing the unthinkable. I'm completely serious when I say that without the strength that the music of GBS brings me, I wouldn't be here typing these words right now. But more fear for Séan. I can't help but wondering what's going on with him right now, and just how bad things could be. I admit, I'm so worried for him right now, and I can only pray that he'll be okay.

Here's a poem I wrote to bid farewell to the Shantyman.


So glad I got to meet him roughly this time last years. The memory of hanging out with him after the show with my sister is a precious one. We talked, laughed, he signed our box sets, and got pictures. I'll always treasure that.


Thanks for the memories, Shantyman. Great Big Sea won't be the same without you!


I'd say cheers, but I don't feel very cheerful right now. 

Krista






Sunday, November 10, 2013

Alan Doyle, Boy on Bridge

Writing blog posts isn't always easy, and this post is no exception. Why is it that something is harder to write about when you feel strongly about it? Maybe you want to do justice to the thoughts you're thinking; you want those thoughts to transfer well to words, but the words fail you. Such is my problem in trying to write about Alan Doyle's Boy on Bridge documentary film that aired on CMT Canada on Friday night. The film follows Alan's journey as he writes and records music for what would become his debut record of the same name.



LIGHT THE WAY

Keith Power, a good friend of Alan's remembers that he always wanted to Alan. Power, nearly six years Alan's junior (the same age as his baby sis Michelle) says that Alan was always the centre of attention- forever telling stories and entertaining people. And now, some 25 years later, he still wants to be Alan, for those same reasons.

For actor/musician Scott Grimes, (E.R., Band of Brothers, American Dad, Mystery Alaska, etc) working with Alan is a thrill. You see, Scott is more than Alan's friend, he's also a fan of his music, having been introduced to the music of Great Big Sea (www.greatbigsea.com) back in 1997. Since then, the two have worked together on a couple movies ( Robin Hood and A Winter's Tale), and several episodes of Republic of Doyle (CBC.ca/RepublicofDoyle).


Alan knew that he wanted Grimes and Power to sing backing vocals on the track Light the Way (co-written by Sean Panting), but given the schedules of the two, it would not be easy to do. So, knowing they were coming to a GBS gig, Alan brought them backstage, where he recorded it in his laptop. Scott, as a joke, had gone up an octave on one set of backing vocals, clearly not expecting it to be used. However, Alan loved the sound of it, so it stayed in.

WHERE I BELONG

Despite all his worldly travels, there is one place that Alan truly belongs, and that's the small fishing village of Petty Harbour (est pop 924 in 2011), located approximately 15 minutes south of St. John's, Newfoundland. It was here that a young Alan Doyle got his start, filling in on rhythm guitar in his Uncle Ronnie's band, The Ringdelles.

Ronnie Doyle, Alan's Uncle and Mayor of Petty Harbour at the time Boy on Bridge was being filmed remembers that day. He called up his brother (Alan's Dad) Tom and asked if Alan would like to fill in for that gig. Tom passed the phone to Alan, who agreed, and did indeed fill in. Ronnie still remembers Alan's amazement at being paid a few dollars like everyone else. 

While sitting with his Uncle Ronnie in the Mayor's Chambers, Alan reminisces about days gone by- Sundays at The Squid Jigger, and said that depending on who was playing with the band on that night, the tunes would vary. One fella in particular, you'd be playing a lot of country songs, whereas with another there would be a lot of accordion tunes. It always changed.

It was in Petty Harbour that Alan got his first movie credit as well- although he'd not know of that until many years later- in A Whale For The Killing, where he was listed as Alan Doyle- Boy on Bridge. That bridge played such an important role in Alan's life. He couldn't go anywhere without that bridge; it brought him to school, and later to St. John's, where he would attend university, help start Great Big Sea, and meet the woman who would eventually become his wife- and a brighter future. In retrospect, he supposes that's what Boy on Bridge really means.



JIM CUDDY JUST SANG ON MY RECORD

There are many Canadian musicians who, when writing songs, try to emulate Blue Rodeo. Alan is no exception to that. Hawksley Workman of who Alan says: don't get his way and let him do his thing- wrote and recorded several songs together for the Boy on Bridge record (Sorry, Love While Love's Awake, and one of the bonus tracks Somewhere In The Love We Made), including the song Northern Plains. As he was recording it, Alan thought like many others, "Wouldn't it be cool if Jim Cuddy sang harmonies on the track?" So he called up Jim, who agreed to do it. Obviously ecstatic at this happening, and rightly so, after Jim does the harmonies, exclaims "This record is now called 'Jim Cuddy just sang on my record' and that Jim's picture was going on the cover. "I'm the worst performer on my own record!"

Oh, and a couple pieces of advice. 

1. Never challenge yourself to write, sing and record a song about a cruise ship while on a cruise ship, because the free beer and wine slows it down. 

2. Hit record before you get the audience  to participate in said recording.

The end result was Mutiny on the Dawn, a bonus track available through Alan's website alandoyle.ca. The link for the bonus tracks is alandoyle.ca/bonus 

It's a song about the people on the cruise ship the Norwegian Dawn, who plan a mutiny. The audience all sings along, clapping, cheering, singing, and adding in "crazy noises of celebration", making a rollicking tune that much more fun. 

ON THE INJURED LIST

Towards the end of the Safe Upon the Shore tour, the slipped disc in Alan's back ruptured, causing him a lot of pain. When he got home and got an MRI to see what happened, the news was revealed, and he was told that he would need surgery or he'd face having nerve damage in his legs. With no other option, he had to go under the knife. Said a source that I won't reveal, he suffered with the pain after. He had a bed in the living room for weeks, and had to use a walker to get around. It was the first time I'd seen him in such incredible pain and it broke my heart. I hope he never has to go through that again.

WORKING WITH THE MAN OF A THOUSAND SONGS

It's unfathomable to me that there are people out there who have never heard of Ron Hynes. Here in Newfoundland, he is a legend, and is also one of Alan's idols. In Alan's opinion, Ron is, he thinks, the best songwriter in Atlantic Canada if not all of Canada. As a young boy in 1978-1982/83, Alan grew up watching the Wonderful Grand Band on TV, as did many others.

This time was not the first time that Alan had attempted to write a song with the great Ron Hynes. The first time, Alan admits that he was too young and excited for the opportunity to get anything done. The second chance came during a time when Ron was battling his drinking addiction. But luckily the third time was a charm and the sad but lovely tune (one of the bonus tunes available on Alan's website) Heart So Longs To Know was born. Written on a postcard of all things, in Ron's kitchen in Ferryland, it became another notch in his songwriting belt. 

STRUGGLES AND THE TRIP TO NASHVILLE 

GBS manager Louis Thomas, a good friend of Alan's, and also his personal manager, calls him up one day, challenging him to do better and write better songs, not a bunch of GBS B-sides as he put it. Alan was clearly frustrated, not wanting to have to work like a dog to get his own songs on his own record, but he pushed through. He says that the people he has around him are horrible ass-kissers; won't tell you that you're great. He knows its because they're trying to help, but in his mind all he hears is "You suck, I hate your songs." But on the advice of Louis, he heads to Nashville to work with fellow Atlantic Canadian and songwriter extraordinaire, Gordie Sampson. 

He didn't know anybody besides Gordie, but somehow he managed to write three songs- Where the Nightingales Sing, I've Seen A Little, and My Day. Also coming out of those sessions was an original, and personal favourite of mine, Break It Slow.

ANTHEMS AND WORRIES

Singing anthems is terrifying, Alan admits, because if you do it well, nobody notices. But if you screw up, everyone loves to make fun of you. This was said of singing the anthems for a Detroit/Toronto game, where he was doing press with Republic of Doyle co-creator and good friend, Allan Hawco. Although the American anthem is difficult for someone that doesn't have a "range-y" voice, Alan delivers (for those interested, there is a clip on YouTube).

There were worries on Alan's part about the whole project. As he and GBS were now at the end of a contract with Warner, they were technically deemed free agents, and he had to find someone else who was willing to release the record. But even if they did, would it be in a limited capacity? Luckily for Alan (and for us fans, Universal Music Canada was,  and released the project in full.

I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS (RUSSELL CROWE AND COLIN JAMES)

Russell Crowe helps out in Vancouver, and while he loves to tease Alan, ("take another lap around the building", "we're all here to make you look good-notice how many people that takes?") it's clear the two admire each other. Crowe says that when he knows he's writing for Alan, he goes to a higher gear... A place of brevity, because after 24/25 songs together, he knows what Alan wants to hear, and that it comes down to being touched by a song. He also says that Alan lives for his audience, and deserves the big one. 

The pair, who met during the 2004 NHL Awards, have fast become good friends, writing many songs together, with Alan producing Russell's only solo cd, My Hand, My Heart. Since then, Alan has appeared in two movies with Russell, and also on Republic of Doyle.

Alan is clearly blown away by Colin James who plays a mean bluegrass style guitar on Testify (sparked by the infamous phone throwing incident in NYC, and written while Crowe was doing press for Cinderella Man), giving it the feel it truly deserves.

Colin, who knows GBS well loves that Alan stepped out of the box and the way he did music.

MORE NERVES

Because of his back, the opportunity to work with great TV composer Mike Post had to be postponed. Alan, was worried he'd lost his chance, but luckily things worked out, and although nervous, he is is glad for the chance.

Post, who became a fan of GBS after seeing them at the HOB in L.A. about 6/7 years ago says that he was immediately blown away by the band. They weren't just rock, folk or pop, but all things combined. He also said that he knows Alan is really smart and talented- no BS. And he knew it when they were fooling around in the studio. He was sick, so they hadn't started until 2 that day, and 3 hours later they had a song. Later that night, Alan finished the lyric. 

Says Alan of the experience: I wanted to do something I'd never done before; not something I could've sang somewhere else. 

BLOWN AWAY AND GREATFUL

When it comes to the performers on his record, Doyle is blown away. They (Russell, Jim Cuddy, Hawksley, Mike Post, etc) did it for nothing whereas others would've had to pay a lot to get the help he did.

He's very thankful to Great Big Sea too, because if not for the band, he a young man, just out of university, never would've met his wife. And if he'd never met her, they wouldn't have their son together. He tries to pass off his strong emotion here by blaming it on dust, but its clear his family means everything to him.

When asked what advice he'd give his younger self on that bridge, Alan pauses before giving his answer. Even if he could, he wouldn't give any, because that young man found his way on his own and has done very well for himself.

PERSONAL THOUGHTS

After watching the documentary, many thoughts have filled my head. 

1. I love the behind the scenes look to making the album and seeing how it all came together. 

2. It was hard seeing him in pain, and struggling to get around while using a walker, but was touched by his strength. 

3. I laughed quite a bit when he was working with Ron Hynes, there was obvious boyish delight on Alan's part, working with an idol of his. 

My overall impression is one of awe, wonder and pure delight. I feel as if I was taken on a journey, seeing all the ups and downs, highs and lows and everyday things that can get in the way of your dreams. But Alan is an inspiration, getting through everything and making his dream come true. I can honestly say now that I'll never hear the Boy on Bridge record the same again, and I'll always appreciate and love it more than before because of everything he had to go through to make it.

Two thumbs way up, and five stars here. 

Your thoughts?





Sunday, November 3, 2013

New poetry- "1000 Words"

A little while ago, I learned that a friend of mine was going to a Great Big Sea show, and I asked her that if she got a chance could she tell Alan that I send my love and that I say hi? Well, that show was two days ago, and I'm very happy to say that she did indeed get to pass on that message! 

As she tells it, they were chatting, and it was after he gave her a birthday kiss that she passed on my message, saying " Krista sends her love and wanted me to say hi to you from her." 

She said that he then took her hand, smiled and said "Yes, please tell Krista hi back from me."

Now maybe I'm just a sap, and maybe I'm reading too much into this, but the way in which he told her to say hi back was very kind. It still blows my little mind that after all these years, Alan still remembers me. I never thought that when I met him more than 10 years ago that he would still remember me today.

I think it's because I don't expect people to remember me. I honestly think "Why would (insert name here) remember me? What's so important about me that (insert name here) still knows who I am?"

I really can't explain it. But I do know how it makes me feel. Important. Here he is, a star- many albums under his belt, several movies, a book due to drop next year- with thousands of fans, yet I'm one of the ones he remembers. Me? I never thought that someone so important would remember me. 

I sat and thought about it a while after my friend told me, and then I started to express my feelings the best way I knew how. I wrote. 

Alan, if you somehow see this, I want you to know how much your kindness means to me. Maybe someday I'll be able to tell you what you've done for me. But for now, this poem will have to do:

A picture is worth a thousand words
That's how the old saying goes
But why do I struggle to find them
When I need them the most?

How do I begin to thank you
I really don't know what to say
To a person that can cheer me up
On my very bluest of days.

Like a lighthouse beacon through the fog
When it seems all hope is gone
You'll give me the encouragement that I need
And I find the strength to go on

So how do I say thanks for everything 
The kindness throughout the years
The words that have kept me strong
When I was on the verge of tears?

I don't know how to put into words
The thoughts going through my mind
I could sit here and think on it all day
And the words I could never find

Yes a picture is worth a thousand words
That old saying is definitely true 
But for now I'll use just a couple
And they're simply to say: thank you!



Krista 


Friday, November 1, 2013

Confession

Not many of you know this, because I try not to talk about it much, but I'm pretty sure, even though I've not been diagnosed, that I'm battling depression.

It all started back when Hurricane Igor hit a few years ago. The apartment I lived in at the time got hit hard, and the upheaval it created changed me. Even though I technically had a place to stay during the week my apartment was being repaired, I still felt homeless. I had a roof over my head, but not my own roof. 

Shortly after that, I started seeing a counsellor for the issues Hurricane Igor created. I thought, rather foolishly I guess, that this person would listen to what I had to say and that she would help me get through the trauma that I'd gone through. I was wrong. Really wrong.

Within a couple weeks of seeing this counsellor, she suggested that I "should be over it" by now, and that I was "holding onto it like a crutch". That upset me. She obviously didn't understand me, or the challenges that living with autism causes for me. A typical human being might get over it, but for someone who has an intellectual disability, things are just a wee bit different. Lets just say I never went back to her for any more appointments.

I eventually did "get over" the pain that feeling homeless had caused me. But due to the flooding, every time we had heavy rain after that, I was scared that we would have flooding again.

I still feel that way.

There have been other things since then that have driven me deeper into this undiagnosed depression, but when I really stop and think back on it, I suppose that the issues causing it go back further than the hurricane.

It was sometime in 2002, as I recall, a rather tumultuous year in my life. That year, my parents got divorced, I found out about my mother's affair with my Dad's brother, and was diagnosed with autism at the age of 16. I hated that. I'd already had enough issues at school, and as far as I was concerned, it was the last thing I needed to be dealing with. I just hated being different, I suppose. And to top that year off, my mother, sister and I moved into a new place with my now stepdad, my father threatened to kill my mother (the day after my 17th birthday) I had to give a statement to the police about what happened. And if that wasn't enough, I had to watch my father get arrested. No child should ever have to see that happen. 

If I hadn't found Great Big Sea that year, I don't know where I'd be. They've literally saved my life when I felt like I had nothing left. But I'll talk about that another time.

It all came to a head in 2009. Upon returning from an all too brief trip to Ontario to visit friends and see GBS, I crashed from the high. Feeling like I had no other option to end the pain, I went to the bathroom and downed the first pills I could find. I guess in hindsight that wasn't my brightest move, but unless one has been that low, they don't know what drives one to that end. Thankfully by the grace of God, I'm still here.

Add in being bisexual, and my life isn't an easy one. The hurricane left me a mess, I hit a wall emotionally, and had to opt out of school, which made me feel like a loser. Feelings that I still battle with. Most days are good, but there are some days that I just want to give up. But it's because of you, my friends that have seen my struggles, that I fight the bad thoughts. I know that no matter how bad things are for me, it could always be much worse. I'm alive, and that's a gift.

I'm rambling now I know, but I somehow feel as if writing this is cathartic, so I'll continue on.

In 2011, I lost a good friend suddenly, and I've never really gotten over it. It was unexpected, and I had never experienced that kind of grief before. And then just five months ago, I lost my beloved cat, Cuddles. My heart was crushed. That, without a doubt, was the worst pain I've ever felt. I didn't want to go on. But with the love of family, friends, and a few kind words from those on Twitter, I got through. It's still hard, but I get through it cause I have to. I have my kitten Charlie now, and I'm Auntie to the most precious nephew, Caleb David, now 14 months old. It's for him that I keep going.

Okay, feeling much better now that I've got the tears out. Thanks for listening.

Krista