Braver, Stronger, Happier

This might come off a little sappy, but oh well. I've been told I'm a sappy person, so here it goes.

To anyone who ever encouraged me to chase my dreams - family, friends, and teachers - thank you. For a long time I was afraid to take that chance and put myself out there. I was afraid of being vulnerable. But not anymore.

Since I took that leap of faith in late October, I've never been happier. I'm making a name for myself as a writer, and my dreams of making a career out of it are closer than they've ever been. I finally feel that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing; that I've found my purpose and meaning in life. And that's huge.

When you struggle with low self esteem (and yeah, I have. My counselor noticed it almost immediately) and depression, you often feel like you're worthless; you don't have any purpose, any reason for living. Your life may be filled with wonderful people, but still there is something missing, and that something is purpose.

By putting myself and my writing out there for the world to see, I feel that I've become a stronger and happier person. My life has more meaning than it ever did. I'm not afraid to go after what I want. Case in point, my last two interviewees.

The old, sad, and afraid me never would've been able to ask Con O'Brien or Alan Doyle for interviews for my articles. But the new me? She's not afraid anymore. She's a strong, confident, and happier person who is chasing her dreams and is determined to succeed. 2016 is going to be my year. I can feel it.

So thanks again to anyone who ever told me to chase those dreams. I couldn't have done it without you! 😘

Happy Birthday Great Big Sea (published in The Newfoundland Herald)!

Wow, where do I even start?

I discovered Great Big Sea at a time in my life when I needed them most. My parents were splitting up, I had been diagnosed with autism, and I never really did fit in at school. Finding GBS was a godsend. In their music I found a safe place, a place where no amount of bullying I endured mattered. I found people online with whom I had a common interest. For once in my life, I fit in and things finally made sense to me.

As I've gotten older, being a GBS fan has served me well. You see, being autistic, I don't like being in big crowds, but that changed when I started going to concerts. It was at concerts that I could forget all the negative things that might've been going on, and if only for a couple hours, have fun. I've done things I never thought I could do - I organized a get together in March of 2009 for people attending a show (and I'm still friends with most of them), and I traveled outside of Newfoundland (i was on a friggin plane, you guys!), and have a roommate (anyone who knows me well knows that I'm not easy to live with). I'm not saying I never would've done these things without the band, but having them as inspiration certainly doesn't hurt! And when I was at my lowest point, it was the music of Great Big Sea that saved my life. I truly felt like I was a burden on my family, and that I had no other options. I won't go into details, but I did attempt to take my own life. As I listened to Ordinary Day, I wondered how I could do such a thing. Life wasn't that bad, I just had to get up and keep trying. And even though I still have my struggles today, the music continues to be a part of the anchor that keeps me where I'm supposed to be!

Even though the band has gone through several changes since I first became a fan, I wouldn't trade a single moment of the nearly 13 years you've all been a part of my life. Thank you guys for everything - the music and memories, and friendships created along the way. They're a precious gift I will treasure always! Happy 22nd Birthday Great Big Sea! It's been one hell of a crazy ride, but I wouldn't trade a second of it!

New poetry- "1000 Words"

A little while ago, I learned that a friend of mine was going to a Great Big Sea show, and I asked her that if she got a chance could she tell Alan that I send my love and that I say hi? Well, that show was two days ago, and I'm very happy to say that she did indeed get to pass on that message! 

As she tells it, they were chatting, and it was after he gave her a birthday kiss that she passed on my message, saying " Krista sends her love and wanted me to say hi to you from her." 

She said that he then took her hand, smiled and said "Yes, please tell Krista hi back from me."

Now maybe I'm just a sap, and maybe I'm reading too much into this, but the way in which he told her to say hi back was very kind. It still blows my little mind that after all these years, Alan still remembers me. I never thought that when I met him more than 10 years ago that he would still remember me today.

I think it's because I don't expect people to remember me. I honestly think "Why would (insert name here) remember me? What's so important about me that (insert name here) still knows who I am?"

I really can't explain it. But I do know how it makes me feel. Important. Here he is, a star- many albums under his belt, several movies, a book due to drop next year- with thousands of fans, yet I'm one of the ones he remembers. Me? I never thought that someone so important would remember me. 

I sat and thought about it a while after my friend told me, and then I started to express my feelings the best way I knew how. I wrote. 

Alan, if you somehow see this, I want you to know how much your kindness means to me. Maybe someday I'll be able to tell you what you've done for me. But for now, this poem will have to do:

A picture is worth a thousand words

That's how the old saying goes

But why do I struggle to find them

When I need them the most?

How do I begin to thank you

I really don't know what to say

To a person that can cheer me up

On my very bluest of days.

Like a lighthouse beacon through the fog

When it seems all hope is gone

You'll give me the encouragement that I need

And I find the strength to go on

So how do I say thanks for everything 

The kindness throughout the years

The words that have kept me strong

When I was on the verge of tears?

I don't know how to put into words

The thoughts going through my mind

I could sit here and think on it all day

And the words I could never find

Yes a picture is worth a thousand words

That old saying is definitely true 

But for now I'll use just a couple

And they're simply to say: thank you!

Krista