My Battle With Depression

My Battle With Depression

Depression.

I'm not sure when my battle with it started. Maybe it was lying dormant within me for years, and all the shit life can throw your way finally got to me. All I know is that it's forced me to fight demons and talk about the past. And when your past is a painful one, that's a really hard thing to do.

Early years

Looking back on things, I'm pretty sure this path to depression started back in 1990, when I was just in Kindergarten. There was a teacher (who shall remain unnamed, but not because of their innocence) who thought nothing of hitting her students. I can't speak for any of my classmates, but she made my life a living hell. I still see her from time to time, and while I've forgiven her for her misdeeds, I'll never forget how she made me feel.

But I digress.

I think that because she got away with what she did to me, others then saw that it was okay for them to do as well, and they wouldn't get punished. Years of teasing and bullying ensued. I was near tortured. I was pushed around, had a chair hauled out from under me, had broken paper clips put in my food (I'm forever thankful to a Pastor’s son who saw it and told me, and gave me money for food), and stuff stolen from my locker and burned. My life was a nightmare.

Home offered only temporary relief. My folks did the best they could, but their seamlessly endless bickering drove me to hide away in my room, away from all the noise. My room was my one safe place. As long as I had my books and my music, I was okay.

Things got a little bit better upon entering high school. Note I say “little bit”. The bullying stopped, as people grew up and out of it. Even though I still didn't fit in anywhere, school life was tolerable, especially in part to a few wonderful teachers that made me feel like I matter.

But then, in Grade 11, I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome (high functioning autism). For weeks, months, maybe even years, I hated the diagnosis. This was just another thing that made me different. Add in my parents divorce, and other horrific events in 2002 (including having to give a statement to a police officer and watch a loved one get arrested), and its a wonder how I made it out of that year unscathed.

But something good did happen that year, something that I'm still thankful for. I discovered Great Big Sea. And in them, I found a place where I belonged; somewhere where I fit in. And it was at my lowest point that they pulled me back from the brink.

Highs & lows from Ontario

August 2009 should've been a happy time. For the first time ever, I got on an airplane and left Newfoundland for a few days. I flew to Ontario where I met up with Janice, Amelia, Paddy, and Chad. We had all meet earlier that year for a Great Big Sea show in St. John's, and had reunited for a show at the Molson Amphitheatre.

The whole trip was amazing. I got to see Niagara Falls, attended my first (and now only) GBS show outside Newfoundland, and even got to go to the Hockey Hall of Fame (a dream come true for this Habs fan).

Coming home was hard. I didn't want to leave. The thrill of being somewhere new was one of the best moments of my life. I didn't want it to end. But it had to, and I was left with a horrible low. Upon my return home, I crashed. Hard. My emotions became uncontrollable. I was sad and lonely despite being with family. I was convinced that I was a burden upon said family, and convinced they'd be better off without me. So, I did the only thing that made sense to me at the time:

I attempted suicide.

In the moments that followed, I remember tucking my knees to my chest and turning on music. I just wanted the pain to end; I was done with life, with everything. And then, something amazing happened.

Ordinary Day. It came crisp and clear through my headphones, and it was a wake-up call. And in that moment, I realized that what I had done was a mistake. Right around the same time, my Mom figured out what I'd done, and we rushed to the hospital. They made me drink this vile tar-like substance which made me sick. But at least I was still alive.

In 2014, a few wonderful things happened. First off, a bunch of Newfoundland celebrities (and their friends) got together and created a video about mental health awareness (click here - https://youtu.be/nOqbTHl7b1M). In watching this video, I felt not so alone in my fight. I finally felt that someone understood, and that it was okay to talk about what was going on.

And I did. I tweeted a couple of the guys who had appeared in the video, thanking them, because their support meant a lot to me.

As fate would have it, I would see one of those guys the very next month. And although he had not responded to that tweet, I knew he saw it, because the first words out of his mouth that night were “How are you doing?”, as he gave me a much needed hug. And that night I had the courage to ask him for lyrics (Ordinary Day) for my suicide survival tattoo. Although somewhat surprised, he agreed.

It's still a great source of strength to this day.

2015-Now: Seeking and receiving help

Last year, I finally sought out help. I knew that my depression and mood swings were too much to handle on my own.

In the midst of that hard time, I once again decided to get a tattoo that would help me through the dark times: Shine On.

From the moment I heard Shine On from Alan Doyle’s 2015 album So Let's Go, it resonated with me. Every word of the song felt like my life. It's like my thoughts had been sung out loud. I loved it and still do.

I had been planning to get a semicolon tattoo for sometime, a reminder to myself of where I'd been but would never return to. But there was one hitch. I couldn't nail down a design.

But then, I thought of Shine On and thought how perfect it would be. So I explained it to Alan on Twitter, and he agreed to send me the lyrics (as luck would have it, he misunderstood my request, and sent the lyrics to the entire song and they are now hanging on my bedroom wall. I got the tattoo after, and its still a bright light, a reminder to find some good in every day.

And then in October I started going to counseling, and taking meds. That combination has made me feel like myself again, a functioning and happy adult who is pursuing her passions and isn't afraid to take on the world.

Final thoughts

To those of you who may read this and are struggling right now, please know that you are never alone. Reach out to a friend or a loved one. Seek help. Talk to your doctor. There are people (and medications) out there that can help you. I can promise you that it does get better.

And I'm living proof of that. Never ever give up!

Keep on Shining; find your spark

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I was not long home from a fantastic trip to Ontario with my friends Amelia, Paddy, Janice and Chad. There had been a trip to Niagara Falls, sightseeing around Toronto, the Hockey Hall of Fame, singing in a pub, and a GBS concert - the only one I've seen outside of Newfoundland - a truly marvelous trip.

I remember feeling emotional about leaving. I didn't want to go. I cried.

The whole time I was flying back home, I remember feeling that it wasn't right. As much as I loved my family and my home, I didn't want to be back there. I had enjoyed my Independence, savoured being somewhere different. And I suppose it was this emotional trip that triggered such a rash decision.

When I got home, I was still emotional. I remember being argumentative. I didn't want to be there. Anywhere else would've been better at the time. I felt I was a burden, the cause of all my mother and stepfather's troubles. I hated it. I didn't want to cause them trouble. The solution seemed so clear to me in that moment - end my life, and they won't be stressed.

So I went to the bathroom, looking for a way out. I looked in the medicine cabinet, and took the very first thing I could find. More than half a dozen pills I took. I went to my room crying, just waiting for things to be done. I didn't want to feel. I curled up in a ball, turned on my music, and waited. I just felt so done. I didn't want to live.

Two things saved me that day. The first was my mother. I thank God every day that she discovered that foil pill wrapper and realized what I had done. Rushed me to the hospital, scared of losing me. To be honest, in that moment, I was scared of dying too. I realized my mistake, and all of the pain I would've left people with had I been successful in my attempt. I thank God that I wasn't.

The second thing was music. Great Big Sea. One of the songs that came on while I was sitting on my bedroom floor, crying, was Ordinary Day. Alan and Sean's words resonated with me that day; they hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew that no struggle I was going through was worth ending my life over. We all have struggles, some worse than others, but we all have that option to sink or swim. I chose to swim. And I still do.

I can't say I've not struggled over the years, because I have. There are still days when bad thoughts creep into my head - that I'm not good enough, strong enough, or that the people in my life deserve better than me. It's a daily struggle sometimes - there are days that the depression is so physically draining that I don't want to get out of bed. So I don't. I take care of me and if the laundry doesn't get done or dishes don't get washed, I don't worry. Taking care of myself is most important.

I search for reasons to live, and they're not hard to find: my friends (who have become a 2nd family) and my family - especially my almost 3 year old nephew. Had I been successful in my attempt 6 years ago, I'd never know the joys of being called Auntie Krista or of watching the same fireworks video over and over or of taking pictures and seeing the world through his eyes. I love him more than life itself, and I'm thankful for him. He's a light in my life, even though I don't see him often. The music gives me reason to live too. If I kill myself, those songs meant nothing, the words of encouragement would have failed. I can't let that happen. I need to live, because I can perhaps help another who is struggling.

This light that is my life isn't going out anytime soon. I'll keep fighting, and keep my light shining - even if I have to find a spark to help me out every once in a while ❤

13 years and counting

May 25, 2002. I was a high school student, in my second last year of high school. On that particular morning, while on my morning stroll up and down the hall, a poster happened to catch my eye. I stopped to look at it for show reason, and was intrigued. It read: An Evening of Music with Alan Doyle and his guitar. I knew the name, but wasn't the fan I am now. All the same though, I was interested in hearing him and seeing if I liked his music.

When I returned home from school that evening, I told my mother about the poster, and the event. She agreed it sounded like something good to do, and the price of $10 was decent. So we got tickets, and I eagerly awaited Saturday night. Just a few days before the show, several people found out that Séan (McCann) would be accompanying Alan for the night. So we were seeing half of what was then the current arrangement of GBS for a decent price and a great cause.

I don't remember much about that night, save for a few details. Alan won me over with Boston and St. John's, Séan belted out General Taylor with all his might, and nearly split my eardrums (and I suspect of others). There were jokes (Yo, who's the Big C?) and ("for the rest of the evening, I'll be his guitar), and continuous banter. I remember them being disoriented because they weren't standing in their usual spots on the stage. I remember being starstruck when asking for their autographs. But most of all I remember the feeling of belonging. I was hooked,instantly. 2 weeks later I owned Sea of No Cares, and I haven't looked back.

It's seen me through all the ups and downs life has thrown at me. There was a divorce, my autism, a suicide attempt (my own), bullying, floods, and now a continued battle with depression. I've made some amazing friends - most of who I consider family now, travelled, organized pre-show gatherings, and grown in so many ways. The depression is the worst of it all. Sometimes it feels like it's swallowing me whole, and I don't know how I'll get through. I turn to music, and to Alan (who feels more like a friend after 13 years) who is almost always there with kind words, advice, a smile or funny face, and on several occasions since June 2010, a comforting hug.

All this came because I stopped to look at a poster in the hallway at school. Nothing more, nothing less.

Best decision I've ever made!

Happy Birthday Great Big Sea (published in The Newfoundland Herald)!

Wow, where do I even start?

I discovered Great Big Sea at a time in my life when I needed them most. My parents were splitting up, I had been diagnosed with autism, and I never really did fit in at school. Finding GBS was a godsend. In their music I found a safe place, a place where no amount of bullying I endured mattered. I found people online with whom I had a common interest. For once in my life, I fit in and things finally made sense to me.

As I've gotten older, being a GBS fan has served me well. You see, being autistic, I don't like being in big crowds, but that changed when I started going to concerts. It was at concerts that I could forget all the negative things that might've been going on, and if only for a couple hours, have fun. I've done things I never thought I could do - I organized a get together in March of 2009 for people attending a show (and I'm still friends with most of them), and I traveled outside of Newfoundland (i was on a friggin plane, you guys!), and have a roommate (anyone who knows me well knows that I'm not easy to live with). I'm not saying I never would've done these things without the band, but having them as inspiration certainly doesn't hurt! And when I was at my lowest point, it was the music of Great Big Sea that saved my life. I truly felt like I was a burden on my family, and that I had no other options. I won't go into details, but I did attempt to take my own life. As I listened to Ordinary Day, I wondered how I could do such a thing. Life wasn't that bad, I just had to get up and keep trying. And even though I still have my struggles today, the music continues to be a part of the anchor that keeps me where I'm supposed to be!

Even though the band has gone through several changes since I first became a fan, I wouldn't trade a single moment of the nearly 13 years you've all been a part of my life. Thank you guys for everything - the music and memories, and friendships created along the way. They're a precious gift I will treasure always! Happy 22nd Birthday Great Big Sea! It's been one hell of a crazy ride, but I wouldn't trade a second of it!

Been a Long time now...

God, it feels like forever since I've written in this space. Not to make excuses, but my old tablet broke, and my computer isn't hooked up to the internet, which left me with just my iPod touch as my sole connection to the internet. On top of that, my iPod is fussy at best, so I wasn't going to tempt fate and try installing the blogger app on it- it would've been too big a headache. But that's all changed now you see. So on NYE I broke down and bought a new tablet, and things have become oh so much easier. So now I have the blogger app again, and I'm ready to write! So with that said, here goes!

Last I checked, I left off with a post about hockey and the Habs untimely exit from the playoffs. I was feeling a whole range of emotions then, and not much has changed in the 7+ months since then. I still despise Chris Kreider, and I suspect I will for a long time. Habs fans don't forget. But thankfully a new season is upon us, and as I type, the Habs sit 2nd in the Atlantic division (24-11-2) only two points behind Tampa. With a back to back against New Jersey and Pittsburgh on Friday and Saturday, I don't expect this to be the case for very long.

So, its been interesting since I've last been here. The last 7 months saw me get more tattoos; (and I love getting inked, so I know you can guess how I've been this year) 3 more actually, and I love each of them.

My first tattoo this year was on May 15 (before my old tablet broke). For a long time up to that point, I'd had toyed with the idea of getting a Great Big Sea tattoo, but didn't know exactly what to get. I didn't want it to be obvious and just have the band's name on my leg, but I didn't want it to be obscure either. What I finally decided on was the artwork from the album Play. As all you GBS fans reading know, the Play cover featured little bobblehead fella- affectionately known as Dabs (Darrell, Alan, Bob, Sean), who would also make an appearance in the video for the song When I'm Up (I Can't Get Down). Somehow I just knew that he'd be perfect. And I wasn't wrong :) I later tweeted the four original band members the picture of my tattoo, and got retweets from Bob and Darrell.

June was fairly uneventful, but that turned out to be a good thing because July more than made up for it. There was the Clarenville Days Dance where Síle and I got to see The Navigators (Arthur O'Brien and Fred Jorgenson) perform. Love those guys! They're fast becoming one of my favourite bands!

Later that month was Garden Cove Day, and although I had tweeted Alan about it, I was certain he wasn't coming, as he'd had a late night the night before. So imagine my surprise when I look up from the game I was working, and see him standing there. I think that even said something along the lines of "I didn't think you were going to be here today!" Y'see, his Uncle Ronnie's band was celebrating their 50th anniversary the night before, and since he'd been a part of the band for a while, Alan also took part. Through conversation we had after I finished my hour at the Plinko game, I learned that he'd only gotten 3 hours sleep before heading out for the festivities of the day. I showed him the above tattoo, and he grinned: Way to go girl, was his response :) 3/4 ain't bad! 

He also got in the dunk tank, and drew quite a crowd. No, I wasn't the one who dunked him, because I was taking pictures of the entire thing. Poor guy, I don't think he thought he was actually going to get dunked! Here's a photo of him, soaking wet, and then a fun selfie we got together. 

If July was fantastic, then August was even more so! Early August saw Síle and I head into St. John's as Alan was headlining the final night of the 2014 George Street Festival. While there, we got to meet the federal NDP leader Tom Mulcair (Thank you Amelia), and became friends with a fellow fan named Sheila (who was from Saskatchewan- what are the odds?) and left with sore throats and tender feet. But it was all worth it. Here's a few pictures from the show:

There are more on Facebook if you're interested.

September, not much on the go,  except my birthday (29- holy crap). Pretty good as far as birthdays go. Definitely not looking forward to my 30th!

October saw the second new tattoo (4th overall) of 2014, one that I had been wanting for a long time- my Habs one. My tattoo artist and I talked it over, and nailed down a design that I liked. Anyone who knows me well knows how much I love my Montreal Canadiens, so it just made sense to have a tattoo done to celebrate my fandom. This was the final product:

I later tweeted a picture of it to several Habs players, and got a reply from Brandon Prust. One of my greatest moments as a fan!

Also, due to my enduring fandom, I won a copy of Alan's book- Where I Belong. I had ordered a copy of it, as preordered copies were guaranteed to be signed. To paraphrase the man from CBC "because you stayed on the line so long without talking to Alan, we decided that you deserved a copy." Proof that being a devoted fan pays off. Here's my signed copy I won:

November, oh November... You were perfect, you know that? 

Síle and I went to St. John's in early that month for a benefit concert for Gord O'Brien, who after 75 years had to close his family run music store. So some of Newfoundland's finest got together to raise money to help him out. Front and center we were, and enjoyed every moment. And while the show was fantastic, my highlight of the night would come after the show. Síle and I made our way over to the barrier that separated the crowd from the musicians where we waited for my chance to see the host of the night, Alan Doyle. When he came out from backstage, I got his attention and instead of just coming straight to the barrier he made his way around it and came straight to me. What happened next surprised me. Without hesitation Alan pulled me in for a hug and then asked in a concerned voice "So how have you been doing girl?" Better yet, the hug lasted just a bit longer than normal. 

Then I worked up the courage to ask him for something I needed from him- handwritten lyrics from "Ordinary Day". I explained that I wanted the second half of the chorus, and he couldn't remember it, so he asked " How does that go again? " to which I replied "At the end of the day, you've just got to say its alright." As he took a sharpie and started writing, I explained that it was for a tattoo, which confused him, but then he doesn't know the whole story. Perhaps someday I'll be brave enough to tell him. Here's how the lyrics looked:

Fast forward a few weeks and I have an appointment to get the lyrics tattooed on my leg. I was actually a bit nervous about getting this one done because I wanted I to be perfect. But my fears were for naught, as the tattoo turned out perfect:

That brings us up to December. Normally I really enjoy Christmas, but I really had a hard time getting into it this time. The tree was up, presents were bought and wrapped, everything was done. I even participated in the Santa Claus Parade in Garden Cove. And although it was raining, I had a good time, but I still felt the blues. It wasn't until the Celtic Christmas show and After Party that I finally felt the Christmas spirit. Much thanks to Con, Pat, Robert, Arthur for the laughs, tunes, and all good things. 

Went to Garden Cove for Christmas Eve and part of Christmas Day, where I got to spend time with both my folks and one of my big sisters. Best Christmas in a long time. 

So, that's everything, unless I remember more. Can't wait to see what the rest of 2015 holds in store!

12 Years

Important events. Everyone remembers them. First date, first kiss, first intimate experience. Likewise engagements, weddings and birth of children. And while those are all important for obvious reasons, I'd like to take the time to tell you about an event that has stayed with my throughout my teenage and now adult years.

I was still in high school, Grade 11, when I saw the poster on the wall near the office. As was my normal, I'd walk up and down the halls before class. My morning stroll, if you will. If the janitor, a fellow Habs fan, wasn't busy, we'd often chat. But on the morning of the 20th or 21st of May, something else grabbed my attention. Or should I say, someone.

An Evening with Alan Doyle & his guitar

Alan Doyle. I knew the name. It was familiar. My mother had one or two of his band's CDs in the house. I liked it well enough at the time, but I wasn't really what you'd call a fan. Still and all though, I figured it was a great way to spend a Saturday evening. I told my mother about it when I got home from school that day, and she was interested too. At $10 a person, it was a small amount for what turned out to be a rather enjoyable evening.

From the first note, he had my attention. Instantly hooked. Double whammy when Séan took his turn at the mic. I wondered why I hadn't caught on before then, but I knew that it was a case of better late than never, and resolved to get myself a CD as soon as humanly possible (Sea of No Cares had just come out in February). But it was when I heard "Boston and St. John's", that I knew I was hooked for life. I don't know what it was about the song, but it just swept me off my feet, and made me look at guys differently for the first time in my life. Yes I'll fully admit it. I think Alan Doyle is an attractive man. And I always will.

Now, moving on...

2 weeks later, I had my first GBS CD. More would follow. By May of 2003 (the day before Alan's birthday), I finally got to speak to him one-on-one. I remember him introducing himself and shaking my hand, and while I was cognoscente enough to shake his hand, I was altogether too nervous to speak. Somehow I managed though, telling him about my upcoming high school grad. I still remember his words that day " good luck with that". Those words have stuck with me ever since.

Okay, total sap fest, I know. But it is what it is.

It's been 12 years now, and through all the ups and downs I've gone through, Great Big Sea has remained a constant in my life. I've gained friends because of them, and seen some of those friendships dissipate. Others have died. There have been family issues, loss of pets, and they've been there. Their kind words have gotten me through. I honestly dont know where I'd be without them today. Probably wouldn't be here right now, that much is certain.

Thank you to every friend I've made through the band. We share a bond that is made stronger by the music.

And to the band, in past and present form- Alan, Bob, Murray, Kris, Séan and Darrell, I owe the biggest thanks of all to you lads. Thank you for making the music and giving me something to help through my darkest of days. No matter where your careers take you, know that you'll always have at least one fan that will always have your backs.

Slainté mhath, boys! Here's hoping life treats you all well!

More birthday wishes

Hey Alan, Happy Birthday! I hope It's a great one eh! I hope your day Is full of fun and laughter! May God bless you and your family!  - Your Irish Canadian fan, Kim

Happy Birthday Great Big Sea

On a day like today, wishing my favourite band a Happy Birthday doesn't seem like enough. Especially when that band has done more for you than they could ever know. So, here's what I could say to them if I could:

Thank you. I know that seems like such simple words, but trust me, there are a lot of reasons I have to say thank you to you guys.

For years, I felt different. I was never a part of the in crowd; didn't stand out, didn't fit in. I just went with the flow I guess, doing what I needed to get through. Then one day at school, I saw something that would forever change my life. A poster, "A Night with Alan Doyle and his guitar". I knew the name, so when I got home, I mentioned it to my mother. Tickets were only $10, so myself along with my mom and now stepfather, decided to go.

To be honest, that was one of the best decisions I ever made. From the first note I heard, I knew I was changed. I felt a connection to the music, and more importantly my home. The music made me happy, right down to the very depths of my soul. And its that very same music that got me through a very rough patch in my life- a year that saw my parents divorce, my father threaten to kill my mother, me hearing it all and subsequently giving a statement to the cops and seeing my father get arrested. Anyone else would've cracked under the weight of all that. But the music got me through.

Being diagnosed with autism didn't help matters much. It was another thing that set me apart. I finished school, but struggled on where to go and what to do next. I hated crowds, and avoided them. But that was until I attended my first concert at Mile One on December 18, 2004. There I felt safe, accepted, and free. I was finally somewhere where I fit in, and when you struggle your whole life to fit in, that feeling is one of the most amazing things I'd ever experienced. And that hasn't changed in the almost 12 years I've been a fan.

When times were rough it was the music that saved me, much like a hand reaching out and keeping me from falling. Through the deaths of friends and family and my own personal struggles, you guys were there whether you knew it or not. And when I actually did reach out for comfort or advice, you guys have been there. I honestly don't know how to say thank you enough for that. From the death of my cat to a family struggle, your kind words have seen me through. In my darkest hour, when I wanted to end my life, something pulled me back. And I firmly believe it was your music. You've kept me going when I simply wanted to quit.

Its through you guys that I have become friends with some of the most amazing people, most of whom are now like family to me. These friendships happened because of GBS. My best friend is now my roommate, and is like a sister to me. That wouldn't have happened if not for you guys. Heck, I even met my now ex through you guys. I've experienced a lot cause of you all.

Even through the leaving of several members, I've never lost my faith in you guys. Somehow I always knew that you'd keep going. When others thought you were done, I screamed "no way!". I knew they were wrong. I thank God they were wrong.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything. Happy 21st Birthday, and I hope you guys keep rocking for a long time to come!

Much love,
Krista
xoxoxoxo

Alan Doyle, Boy on Bridge

Writing blog posts isn't always easy, and this post is no exception. Why is it that something is harder to write about when you feel strongly about it? Maybe you want to do justice to the thoughts you're thinking; you want those thoughts to transfer well to words, but the words fail you. Such is my problem in trying to write about Alan Doyle's Boy on Bridge documentary film that aired on CMT Canada on Friday night. The film follows Alan's journey as he writes and records music for what would become his debut record of the same name.

LIGHT THE WAY

Keith Power, a good friend of Alan's remembers that he always wanted to Alan. Power, nearly six years Alan's junior (the same age as his baby sis Michelle) says that Alan was always the centre of attention- forever telling stories and entertaining people. And now, some 25 years later, he still wants to be Alan, for those same reasons.

For actor/musician Scott Grimes, (E.R., Band of Brothers, American Dad, Mystery Alaska, etc) working with Alan is a thrill. You see, Scott is more than Alan's friend, he's also a fan of his music, having been introduced to the music of Great Big Sea (www.greatbigsea.com) back in 1997. Since then, the two have worked together on a couple movies ( Robin Hood and A Winter's Tale), and several episodes of Republic of Doyle (CBC.ca/RepublicofDoyle).

Alan knew that he wanted Grimes and Power to sing backing vocals on the track Light the Way (co-written by Sean Panting), but given the schedules of the two, it would not be easy to do. So, knowing they were coming to a GBS gig, Alan brought them backstage, where he recorded it in his laptop. Scott, as a joke, had gone up an octave on one set of backing vocals, clearly not expecting it to be used. However, Alan loved the sound of it, so it stayed in.

WHERE I BELONG

Despite all his worldly travels, there is one place that Alan truly belongs, and that's the small fishing village of Petty Harbour (est pop 924 in 2011), located approximately 15 minutes south of St. John's, Newfoundland. It was here that a young Alan Doyle got his start, filling in on rhythm guitar in his Uncle Ronnie's band, The Ringdelles.

Ronnie Doyle, Alan's Uncle and Mayor of Petty Harbour at the time Boy on Bridge was being filmed remembers that day. He called up his brother (Alan's Dad) Tom and asked if Alan would like to fill in for that gig. Tom passed the phone to Alan, who agreed, and did indeed fill in. Ronnie still remembers Alan's amazement at being paid a few dollars like everyone else. 

While sitting with his Uncle Ronnie in the Mayor's Chambers, Alan reminisces about days gone by- Sundays at The Squid Jigger, and said that depending on who was playing with the band on that night, the tunes would vary. One fella in particular, you'd be playing a lot of country songs, whereas with another there would be a lot of accordion tunes. It always changed.

It was in Petty Harbour that Alan got his first movie credit as well- although he'd not know of that until many years later- in A Whale For The Killing, where he was listed as Alan Doyle- Boy on Bridge. That bridge played such an important role in Alan's life. He couldn't go anywhere without that bridge; it brought him to school, and later to St. John's, where he would attend university, help start Great Big Sea, and meet the woman who would eventually become his wife- and a brighter future. In retrospect, he supposes that's what Boy on Bridge really means.

JIM CUDDY JUST SANG ON MY RECORD

There are many Canadian musicians who, when writing songs, try to emulate Blue Rodeo. Alan is no exception to that. Hawksley Workman of who Alan says: don't get his way and let him do his thing- wrote and recorded several songs together for the Boy on Bridge record (Sorry, Love While Love's Awake, and one of the bonus tracks Somewhere In The Love We Made), including the song Northern Plains. As he was recording it, Alan thought like many others, "Wouldn't it be cool if Jim Cuddy sang harmonies on the track?" So he called up Jim, who agreed to do it. Obviously ecstatic at this happening, and rightly so, after Jim does the harmonies, exclaims "This record is now called 'Jim Cuddy just sang on my record' and that Jim's picture was going on the cover. "I'm the worst performer on my own record!"

Oh, and a couple pieces of advice. 

1. Never challenge yourself to write, sing and record a song about a cruise ship while on a cruise ship, because the free beer and wine slows it down. 

2. Hit record before you get the audience  to participate in said recording.

The end result was Mutiny on the Dawn, a bonus track available through Alan's website alandoyle.ca. The link for the bonus tracks is alandoyle.ca/bonus 

It's a song about the people on the cruise ship the Norwegian Dawn, who plan a mutiny. The audience all sings along, clapping, cheering, singing, and adding in "crazy noises of celebration", making a rollicking tune that much more fun. 

ON THE INJURED LIST

Towards the end of the Safe Upon the Shore tour, the slipped disc in Alan's back ruptured, causing him a lot of pain. When he got home and got an MRI to see what happened, the news was revealed, and he was told that he would need surgery or he'd face having nerve damage in his legs. With no other option, he had to go under the knife. Said a source that I won't reveal, he suffered with the pain after. He had a bed in the living room for weeks, and had to use a walker to get around. It was the first time I'd seen him in such incredible pain and it broke my heart. I hope he never has to go through that again.

WORKING WITH THE MAN OF A THOUSAND SONGS

It's unfathomable to me that there are people out there who have never heard of Ron Hynes. Here in Newfoundland, he is a legend, and is also one of Alan's idols. In Alan's opinion, Ron is, he thinks, the best songwriter in Atlantic Canada if not all of Canada. As a young boy in 1978-1982/83, Alan grew up watching the Wonderful Grand Band on TV, as did many others.

This time was not the first time that Alan had attempted to write a song with the great Ron Hynes. The first time, Alan admits that he was too young and excited for the opportunity to get anything done. The second chance came during a time when Ron was battling his drinking addiction. But luckily the third time was a charm and the sad but lovely tune (one of the bonus tunes available on Alan's website) Heart So Longs To Know was born. Written on a postcard of all things, in Ron's kitchen in Ferryland, it became another notch in his songwriting belt. 

STRUGGLES AND THE TRIP TO NASHVILLE 

GBS manager Louis Thomas, a good friend of Alan's, and also his personal manager, calls him up one day, challenging him to do better and write better songs, not a bunch of GBS B-sides as he put it. Alan was clearly frustrated, not wanting to have to work like a dog to get his own songs on his own record, but he pushed through. He says that the people he has around him are horrible ass-kissers; won't tell you that you're great. He knows its because they're trying to help, but in his mind all he hears is "You suck, I hate your songs." But on the advice of Louis, he heads to Nashville to work with fellow Atlantic Canadian and songwriter extraordinaire, Gordie Sampson. 

He didn't know anybody besides Gordie, but somehow he managed to write three songs- Where the Nightingales Sing, I've Seen A Little, and My Day. Also coming out of those sessions was an original, and personal favourite of mine, Break It Slow.

ANTHEMS AND WORRIES

Singing anthems is terrifying, Alan admits, because if you do it well, nobody notices. But if you screw up, everyone loves to make fun of you. This was said of singing the anthems for a Detroit/Toronto game, where he was doing press with Republic of Doyle co-creator and good friend, Allan Hawco. Although the American anthem is difficult for someone that doesn't have a "range-y" voice, Alan delivers (for those interested, there is a clip on YouTube).

There were worries on Alan's part about the whole project. As he and GBS were now at the end of a contract with Warner, they were technically deemed free agents, and he had to find someone else who was willing to release the record. But even if they did, would it be in a limited capacity? Luckily for Alan (and for us fans, Universal Music Canada was,  and released the project in full.

I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS (RUSSELL CROWE AND COLIN JAMES)

Russell Crowe helps out in Vancouver, and while he loves to tease Alan, ("take another lap around the building", "we're all here to make you look good-notice how many people that takes?") it's clear the two admire each other. Crowe says that when he knows he's writing for Alan, he goes to a higher gear... A place of brevity, because after 24/25 songs together, he knows what Alan wants to hear, and that it comes down to being touched by a song. He also says that Alan lives for his audience, and deserves the big one. 

The pair, who met during the 2004 NHL Awards, have fast become good friends, writing many songs together, with Alan producing Russell's only solo cd, My Hand, My Heart. Since then, Alan has appeared in two movies with Russell, and also on Republic of Doyle.

Alan is clearly blown away by Colin James who plays a mean bluegrass style guitar on Testify (sparked by the infamous phone throwing incident in NYC, and written while Crowe was doing press for Cinderella Man), giving it the feel it truly deserves.

Colin, who knows GBS well loves that Alan stepped out of the box and the way he did music.

MORE NERVES

Because of his back, the opportunity to work with great TV composer Mike Post had to be postponed. Alan, was worried he'd lost his chance, but luckily things worked out, and although nervous, he is is glad for the chance.

Post, who became a fan of GBS after seeing them at the HOB in L.A. about 6/7 years ago says that he was immediately blown away by the band. They weren't just rock, folk or pop, but all things combined. He also said that he knows Alan is really smart and talented- no BS. And he knew it when they were fooling around in the studio. He was sick, so they hadn't started until 2 that day, and 3 hours later they had a song. Later that night, Alan finished the lyric. 

Says Alan of the experience: I wanted to do something I'd never done before; not something I could've sang somewhere else. 

BLOWN AWAY AND GREATFUL

When it comes to the performers on his record, Doyle is blown away. They (Russell, Jim Cuddy, Hawksley, Mike Post, etc) did it for nothing whereas others would've had to pay a lot to get the help he did.

He's very thankful to Great Big Sea too, because if not for the band, he a young man, just out of university, never would've met his wife. And if he'd never met her, they wouldn't have their son together. He tries to pass off his strong emotion here by blaming it on dust, but its clear his family means everything to him.

When asked what advice he'd give his younger self on that bridge, Alan pauses before giving his answer. Even if he could, he wouldn't give any, because that young man found his way on his own and has done very well for himself.

PERSONAL THOUGHTS

After watching the documentary, many thoughts have filled my head. 

1. I love the behind the scenes look to making the album and seeing how it all came together. 

2. It was hard seeing him in pain, and struggling to get around while using a walker, but was touched by his strength. 

3. I laughed quite a bit when he was working with Ron Hynes, there was obvious boyish delight on Alan's part, working with an idol of his. 

My overall impression is one of awe, wonder and pure delight. I feel as if I was taken on a journey, seeing all the ups and downs, highs and lows and everyday things that can get in the way of your dreams. But Alan is an inspiration, getting through everything and making his dream come true. I can honestly say now that I'll never hear the Boy on Bridge record the same again, and I'll always appreciate and love it more than before because of everything he had to go through to make it.

Two thumbs way up, and five stars here. 

Your thoughts?

New poetry- "1000 Words"

A little while ago, I learned that a friend of mine was going to a Great Big Sea show, and I asked her that if she got a chance could she tell Alan that I send my love and that I say hi? Well, that show was two days ago, and I'm very happy to say that she did indeed get to pass on that message! 

As she tells it, they were chatting, and it was after he gave her a birthday kiss that she passed on my message, saying " Krista sends her love and wanted me to say hi to you from her." 

She said that he then took her hand, smiled and said "Yes, please tell Krista hi back from me."

Now maybe I'm just a sap, and maybe I'm reading too much into this, but the way in which he told her to say hi back was very kind. It still blows my little mind that after all these years, Alan still remembers me. I never thought that when I met him more than 10 years ago that he would still remember me today.

I think it's because I don't expect people to remember me. I honestly think "Why would (insert name here) remember me? What's so important about me that (insert name here) still knows who I am?"

I really can't explain it. But I do know how it makes me feel. Important. Here he is, a star- many albums under his belt, several movies, a book due to drop next year- with thousands of fans, yet I'm one of the ones he remembers. Me? I never thought that someone so important would remember me. 

I sat and thought about it a while after my friend told me, and then I started to express my feelings the best way I knew how. I wrote. 

Alan, if you somehow see this, I want you to know how much your kindness means to me. Maybe someday I'll be able to tell you what you've done for me. But for now, this poem will have to do:

A picture is worth a thousand words

That's how the old saying goes

But why do I struggle to find them

When I need them the most?

How do I begin to thank you

I really don't know what to say

To a person that can cheer me up

On my very bluest of days.

Like a lighthouse beacon through the fog

When it seems all hope is gone

You'll give me the encouragement that I need

And I find the strength to go on

So how do I say thanks for everything 

The kindness throughout the years

The words that have kept me strong

When I was on the verge of tears?

I don't know how to put into words

The thoughts going through my mind

I could sit here and think on it all day

And the words I could never find

Yes a picture is worth a thousand words

That old saying is definitely true 

But for now I'll use just a couple

And they're simply to say: thank you!

Krista 

If you can't say anything nice...

So, I'm watching videos on YouTube, and for a laugh, I decided to check the comments on the video I was watching, Alan Doyle singing his original song "Where the Nightingales Sing" on Q. And I could not believe what I read. Take a look:

Now if any of you know me in real life, you'll know that there isn't much that upsets me. But, a sure fire way to get me riled up is to insult my friends, family, Great Big Sea, and Alan. 

If you don't like the man or his singing, why comment? It just doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever. Maybe it's just common sense or something- which most people nowadays sadly seem to lack- but why waste so much time on negativity? If you don't like him, that's all well and good. I've no issue with that. If you don't like Great Big Sea, there's nothing wrong with that either. The world would be a pretty boring place if we all liked the same things.

My issue lies with the negativity. This guy (or girl, not really sure) isn't very smart if he/she thinks that "the vast majority of people in this country neither love nor hate him or his music." Um, what? Really? When did this person start speaking for the rest of us? I have my own voice, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let some jealous wannabe, thinks they know it all, speak for me. 

Mediocre talent? Please. If he was mediocre, why would a major record label sign him? Answer me thaf. If nobody loves or hates him, how has his band sold well over a million records and had countless gold or platinum records over the years? How do they continue to sell out show after show on the majority of their tours?

Maybe I'm making something out of nothing here. Most people will say "he/they can defend themselves", but this sort of negativity to a artist/band that has brought much joy to many people...well, it angers me. Another person said she loved the song, would even use it as a first dance song at her wedding- if it was "sung by someone with a 'smoother' voice." Again, I'm dumbfounded. If you're a true fan at all, you know that the roughness in Alan's voice is just a part of what makes his voice so unique. To go bashing someone who can't defend themselves, it's uncalled for. 

I know Alan is a grown man, and can defend himself if need be. I just think the negativity among these commenters needs to stop. Where the Nightingales Sing (done here with an orchestra- http://youtu.be/SEoqX6pp6is *this is not the video under which negative comments appeared*) is a lovely song, with an even more beautiful sentiment. A man who wanted to write a waltz (cause hardly anyone does anymore), because he wanted his mom to be proud. And I'm willing to bet that no matter what, she is.

Here's what I said in reply to the negative comments:

My advice? Save your negativity for someone who actually cares and somewhere it applies; don't use it on someone who has brought much joy to many people. 

Your thoughts? 

Did I go too far? Maybe. 

But do I care? No. 

Negative people just need to keep their comments to themselves, because 99.999% of us really don't want to hear them. 

It's Been Awhile... Again

So admittedly, it's been a long time since I last wrote here. My computer is currently not working, so until I discovered the Blogger app, I was without means of being able to post. But now that I have this app, blog I must.

So much has happened since I last posted. Too much to describe in full detail really, so I'll just do a simple recap to catch you all up.

-2012-

July- moved into the new apartment a couple of weeks ago. Really bright and cozy here. All hands are happy. Visit Garden Cove for Garden Cove Day, and a couple special guests show up. Everyone is thrilled, including yours truly!

August- Early August brings a GBS show in Torbay, and new friends. Roomie/sis and I met up with Anna and her partner Dara before the show, and have a blast. We all travel to the show together, and seeing the joy on the faces of my new friends makes the show extra special. What makes it even more special is that former bass player, Darrell Power, returns for a couple tunes. Here's a pic of him and Alan singing together that I managed to capture (that later made it into The Newfoundland Herald). 

Late August- The final countdown to my nephew, due August 23rd. Can't wait to meet the little guy- I fell in love with him on the ultrasound! He finally arrives on August 28th, and is named Caleb David. He weighs in at 10lbs 8oz, and measures 22 inches. Just a whole lot more to love!

September brings about my first birthday in this place, and it's celebrated with family. Not too bad a day overall. A week later, Síle and I head to St. John's- Jeremy Fisher and Séan McCann are playing at The Ship, and we couldn't miss it! Everyone has a great time, Séan stops singing while me, Amelia and Síle continue. He's visibly impressed, though I'm not sure why. Meet him and Jeremy after the show. Really great guys. Oh, and did I mention that this guy was there? 

If you can't plainly tell, that's Alan, who had showed up for Séan's set. I gave him pictures from July that his parents had wanted, and then we chat and after several attempts (the above being the first), we get a good picture together. Perfect night.

October marks the release of the GBSXX box set (For those not in the know, GBS is Great Big Sea, and March 11, 2013 marked their 20th anniversary as a band). Both Síle and I grab it, and agree that it's worth it's price tag. Three CDs, a DVD, a book, a calendar and lots of other goodies. Perfect collectible for the diehard GBS fan.

November- Séan comes to Clarenville, opening for Joel Plaskett. When we sing the chorus to a new song, Séan is impressed. Talks to us from the stage. After the show, we chat with him, give him cookies, he signs our box sets, and we got pictures (if you're Facebook friends with me, you'll have seen them. I promise to post them here at some point.)! Overall, a fantastic night.

December, perhaps my favourite time of year! Finish the shopping, and there are Christmas concerts to attend. First up, The Once! If you haven't checked them out, you should! Lead singer Geraldine Hollett is as sweet as they come! 

Next up, The Irish Descendants & Navigators Celtic Christmas. In what's now become a Christmas tradition, the two bands fronted by Con (Irish Descendants) and Arthur (The Navigators) O'Brien perform classic Christmas tunes, some covers, some originals and sprinkle in some fan favourites. Show that year was delayed by a tragedy, and we take a moment of silence for the young girl killed. 

Christmas at home- food, family, and presents. Who could ask for more?

Okay, so that brings us up to 2013, which I'll do as quick as possible. Meet my nephew for the first time in March and fall in love all over again! GBS show in April, some scary family shit, Cuddles gets killed in May while a friend is visiting. Get words of encouragement from Alan & Séan (see below).

Get inked in June and get a new kitten, Charlie. 

Apartment is making us sick, landlord isn't doing much. Another GBS show in August, this time George Street. Joined the Cocksure Lads Street team- promoting Murray's 60's Brit Pop band. Meet him before the show and have a fab chat. Stayed in for the regatta- dunk tank, good food, boat races... we have a great time. Spend my birthday in September in St. John's- Leo's, shopping, and Erin's Pub. There are lots of birthday messages, including ones from Alan & Murray of GBS. Share cake with a fellow bday girl at Erin's, bartender gives me a bag of Cheesies, says its on him. Have a few drinks, and a fab night. Amelia caps it off by getting me a copy of an unreleased as of yet cd, straight from the artist. Couldn't ask for any better.

So that brings us up to now- a nearly six month old kitten, 30lbs lost (since June), and happy times ahead. To those who have been there for me, thank you. You're the best friends and family a girl could ask for! 

Krista 

Alan Doyle- Right Where He Belongs (Club 1, St. John’s)

Okay, for anyone who follows this blog regularly, you’ll know that on Sunday past (June 10^th), I attended Alan Doyle’s show at Club One. But it was not just the show that was fantastic, the whole day was. So, if you’ll permit me, dear readers, I’d like to tell you about the whole day.

It all started around 9 in the morning in my hometown of Garden Cove. My sister-of-the-heart Sile (pronounced Sheila) and I had gone up there the night before as we were going to be getting a ride in with my mother and stepfather. We got up, got ready, and then we left Garden Cove around quarter after 11. We made it into St. John’s a little after 1, where we met up with my cousin Donna. She had agreed to drop us off at the hostel so we could pay for our accommodations for the night.

So, we get to the hostel and pay for said accommodations for the night (Hi-City Hostel, St. John’s- fabulous place by the way. Great staff and wonderful service) and then drop off our things. Wouldn’t you know it that the overflow house (where our room was) for the hostel is right across the street from the house the Doyles live in on the hit CBC show Republic of Doyle? What luck, and what a view! Anyways, I digress. We left the hostel and then headed to Leo’s Fish and Chips because she and I both wanted it. Too bad that I forgot it’s closed on Sundays. Oh well, we’ll hit it up next time for sure.

Seeing as how Leo’s was closed, we decided to start walking back. We had time to kill, so we decided to pop into the Duke of Duckworth pub to eat. As we were nearing the Duke, who would my eyes spot but the opener for the show that night- Dustin Bentall, with his girlfriend/band mate and also fiddle player for the Alan Doyle band- Kendel Carson! I didn’t say hi though, as I was too nervous to. They left the Duke, as it was busy as all get out, and after a few minutes, Sile and I left as well.

On the way back to the hostel, we got lost (oops!) and had to use Sile’s phone to get Google Maps and find out where the hell we were going. We eventually did, and although we got back there later than we had planned to, it didn’t bother us all that much. It was then that we decided to start getting ready for the show (it was only nearing 4 in the afternoon!) as we had planned to meet up with a friend before the show for a meal and a drink. As we got ready, and I was charging my phone, a tweet came through from Kendel, who I had tweeted earlier in the day “ya should have said hi! See you tonight at club one! :) ”, she said. I squealed, not believing my luck!

By 5 minutes after 5 we were ready and made our way back down to the Duke of Duckworth pub. It was still busy, but not as bad as before, so Sile and I sat in a booth and waited for my friend, and another sister-of-the-heart, Amelia, to arrive. That was around 5:30 or so. Amelia and a friend of hers, Sara (not sure if that’s the correct spelling or not) showed up just a few minutes later. We sat and chatted for a while,  had something to eat, and then about 6:30 we left the Duke and headed towards Club One, the venue for Alan’s show that night. We got there a little before 7, and then the waiting started. By quarter to eight, there was a pretty decent lineup for the show, and you can only guess who was at the very front of the line. If you guessed me, you’re right. Yours truly was the very first person in through the doors of Club One that night, with Sile hot on my heels (literally). As soon as I got inside, I made a beeline straight for the stage. I looked at the set-up of the mikes- there were three of them, and quickly determined that Alan was in the middle. I took my spot there, and it was there I stayed for the rest of the night.

As the staff at the show were a little late in opening the doors, the show was a little late in starting. The opener for the night, Dustin Bentall, came on around 25 minutes to 9. He did several songs on his own- Emmy Lou and several others that escape me right now if anyone is reading this and knows the titles, please tell me) and then brought on his girlfriend Kendel to do a few songs with him! It was during this time that I was truly impressed with the youngest of the Bentalls! For those of you who don’t know, Dustin’s father is Barney Bentall; a very well-known musician! I think with songs like Sharpshooter and Emmy Lou, Dustin is well on his way to following in his father’s footsteps and have a wonderful career in music!

At about 20 minutes after 9, the man we had all been waiting to see took the stage. Alan was in fine form this night; dressed in a dark shirt and vest, and a very nice pair of jeans (the view from where I was standing was quite pleasant). The crowd, including myself, was at fever pitch, and we were more than ready to rock by this point. The set list for the night looked like this:

With the crowd ready to rock, Alan and his band (Cory Tetford- guitar and keys,  Kendel Carson- fiddle and tambourine, Kris MacFarlane- drums, and Shehab Iliyas- bass) launched into the first song. From the outset, anyone present could tell that this was going to be one hell of a show, and certainly Alan could too. At one point he remarked that it was the last night of the tour and that he was going to leave it all on the stage. And leave it there he did, but that part of our story is later to come, dear readers.

The next song was Break It Slow. Since I first bought the album on release day, this song had quickly become a favourite. Seeing it live has only strengthened my opinion of the song. I love it even more now than I did the first time I heard it! The crowd was already bouncing by this time, and showed no signs of letting up! My Day, perhaps a very fitting song for this night, as it was truly Alan’s day, and nothing was going to ruin it, not on this, the most important night of the tour. Alan was beaming from ear-to-ear, and if he was tired at all (which I think he was) he never let on for a moment.

The next song was Where The Nightingales Sing or as it was titled on the set list, Nightingale. Alan told the story of how he wanted to write a song that his mother could be proud of, and that since nobody wrote waltzes anymore, that he would write a waltz. And with his parents in the crowd, there was no more fitting a song to do that night.

He talked about being on the Newfoundland Herald, and me, knowing that I had the perfect reason to hold it up, did so. Alan came over, and with my camera rolling and capturing the moment, plucked said Newfoundland Herald from my hands. It was then that he gleefully held it up on stage for everyone to see, because as everyone in Newfoundland knows, you’ve truly made it when you get your picture on the cover of the Newfoundland Herald!  He returned the Herald to my hands, and then proceeded to launch into the song.

Nightingale was one song that I had wanted to get video of, but because of the stumbling drunk, screaming-not singing lady (and I use the term rather lightly) behind me, there was no way that the video would have been any kind of decent. This particular person was a thorn in the sides of a lot of people this night, what with her call of “I love you Alan” every five seconds. Uh honey, I think he got the message the first dozen times you were calling his name. Anyways, I’m not going to waste my breath ranting about her; she’s not worth it. Instead I’ll smile at the picture in my head of the two dancing lovers behind me. No prettier sight to see than that (and perhaps the smile on Alan’s face).

The next two songs were songs that were familiar to anybody who is a fan of Great Big Sea. Alan said that he had thought that since these were songs that GBS does not often do, that it would be cool to slip them into his own show so that fans could get a chance to hear them. First up was Dance Dance, a fun song that this writer has loved since its release on the 2008 Great Big Sea record, Fortune’s Favour. The crowd was especially bouncing along with this one, and my friends and I couldn’t help but beam from ear-to-ear as we danced along and sang every word.

Hit the Ground and Run was next and had a very delightful intro. Mr. Doyle was saying that if you look on the package (of a condom) that it says on there that it’s 99.9 percent effective. And he supposed that if you beat those odds, and were that 0.1 percent, that you were likened to Superman. This got no shortage of giggles from band mate and fellow guitar player Cory, and master of the drums, Kris MacFarlane. Kendel was snickering too, come to think of it. Not surprising from the man that Russell Crowe (co-writer of the song) refers to as doubly funny; both ha-ha and peculiar. Towards the middle of the song, Alan launched into intros. First Cory, who he supposedly met in Clarenville in 1917, all the way from Central Newfoundland. He thought he had a great voice then, and still thinks so now. Next was Kendel, hailing all the way from Vancouver Island, BC. She did a wicked fiddle solo; methinks Bob better watch out- he might have some competition). The whole song in total lasted over 7 minutes, and I promise that as soon as I get the chance, I will be uploading video of this spectacular song to YouTube.

Northern Plains  was next, and I have to admit that when I first heard a clip of the song on Amazon, I was a bit iffy about it. I was not sure if it was my cup of tea. But when I got the CD and heard the whole song, it fast became a song that I fell in love with. It was especially lovely on this night, and Kendel’s fiddle made the song just that little bit more haunting. It was a treat for the ears on this night. Even I was swaying back and forth with this one.

Next up was the part of the show that I was looking forward to the most; the twitter requests section. The first request on this night was Something Beautiful, a song that Alan said many people had requested, and that he was more than happy to do, but that he also had a personal reason for performing the song. I’m not sure if you all know who Dr. Jack Hand is, but he passed away earlier in the week, and as Alan had admired the man for all that he had done, Something Beautiful  was the perfect way to honour him. 

When it came time to do the second twitter request, Alan asked us if it was okay if he could be selfish and do his own request. Of course we didn’t mind. Alan called his father to the stage, that gleam in his eyes. “I know what he’s thinking,” Alan proclaimed gleefully. “He’s thinking ‘that bastard is gonna pay me for this!” Well that certainly got the crowd laughing. A spotlight went out on the crowd, searching for the older of the Doyles, and Alan grinned and proudly said, “You can call him Tom, but I call him Dad.”

Tom got to the stage then, and tested the mikes to see which one was working best. He chose his son’s mike (not a bad one to choose, in my opinion) and laughed, “We’re gonna do Three Dog Night.” Alan laughed at his father, as did several people in the audience (Sile would have loved to have heard it), and then said “Say something amusing while I tune my guitar.” Tom grinned, obviously loving the idea, “He still can’t tune a guitar,” and “What happened to all your roadies; they all gone?” And with that all-too familiar gleam in his eyes (methinks it’s where Alan gets it from) turned and looked at the crowd and said, “He’s broke.” Alan hung his head, laughing, clearly embarrassed by his dear ol Dad. He finished tuning his guitar, and then started playing Berry Picking Time. I don’t think either of them could have smiled bigger if they had tried. The crowd was absolutely loving this, and you could hear people singing along. My camera was on them the whole time, not wanting to miss a thing. At the end of the song, there was an embrace between father and son, and Alan proudly declared “70 years old and he still commands the stage.”

This was followed by an absolutely lovely The Rules Will All Be Broken, simply called The Rules on this night. Cory played keys on this one, and Alan poured his heart and soul into it. I fell in love with this song at first listen, but it was far more impressive live. It’s a moment that I won’t soon forget. Then came Paper In Fire, a song I had only seen on video, never live. The band was on fire for this one, and I’m sure that it was clear to everyone present that the band was absolutely enjoying themselves on stage, as well they should.

The electric came out again, and my eyes were on that lovely Gibson 335 and the man holding it. As I could see the set list the whole night, I knew that he was going to do Light the Way. “Let’s have a sing along” Alan declared, and started singing the chorus. The crowd sang along with every word, and there was no way to wipe the smile off the face of a man who was truly in his element.

As he introduced Testify, the next song of the evening, Alan joked that he wrote the next two songs and the last one with a struggling actor named Russell Crowe. The crowd, including myself busted out into a fit of laughter. He went on to say how he thinks he had his big break on Republic of Doyle and that he has a bright future. Poor Russell, not even there to defend himself from his buddy’s teasing. Oh well, I’m sure he gives as good as he gets. The song, on which Alan played acoustic guitar this night, was haunting. Kris’s drums made it even more so, and it was a treat for the eyes and the ears to see all hands so into what they were doing. Sile and I waved our arms at the word “Down” (watch the video for Russell’s version) only adding to our fun.

Not long after he left the stage, the crowd started chanting his name, “Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan!” Well, let me tell you now, it didn’t take him long to respond to that. Not two minutes after he had left the stage, he came back out a smile spreading from one ear to the other. Cory went back over to the keys and they started Lovers Hands. This song done live is far more impressive than on the CD, and had me nearly melted into a puddle by the time Alan had finished performing it. I don’t think I’ll ever hear it quite the same way again.

Our opener, Dustin, came back out for the next song, 3000 Miles, a song I had not heard (despite the fact that there was video of it). I am glad that I had never seen it before that night, because it gave me the chance to listen to the song with fresh ears, and to have no outside opinion. It was a delight to watch, as the whole band frolicked and played up on that stage like they had done it a million times.

Straight to Hell; my beloved Straight to Hell; I can’t tell you how much I missed this song. For all my proclamations about loving country music, and that Newfoundland music is what I’m all about, I am truly a rock girl at heart. This was no different on Sunday as I banged my head along with the music. Alan did a devilishly-wicked solo on this night (also caught on my camera) and had the crowd eating out of his palms (as well they should have). If he was aiming to please this concert goer on Sunday night, he picked the perfect song to do it with. As the band left the stage for Alan to do the night’s final song on his own, drummer and fellow GBS band mate Kris was seen patting him on the back, a well-deserved “well done” on this night. But the very best was about to come.

Alan sang Belong then, and I’d heard accounts from friends who had seen other shows on the tour that there are usually tears in his eyes when he opens them. Well this night was no different. He started into the song, his voice nearly spent; his energy reserves nearly depleted. His eyes closed, Alan put his all into the song, clearly not wanting to disappoint the home crowd. When he opened his eyes, there were indeed tears in them, and you could feel your heart break for him then. The passion and intensity he puts into the song isn’t there by accident, and it’s plain to see how much the song means to him. He got a second wind then as the crowd cheered him on, helping to bring him across the finish line of the show. When he finished, he was beaming. He thanked the crowd for coming (when it should have been us thanking him- and indeed many people did) and then finally left the stage.

My feet were killing me by this point (piece of advice: never wear 4” heels to a club show) but I was on a mission. There were several people that I wanted to meet and get pictures with. So Sile and I set out around to walk around the club floor and see who we could see. First up was Dustin Bentall, with who I got both a picture and a chat. He was so sweet; I sure hope that he comes back this way again.

I was talking to Amelia after that, saying that I was looking for celebrities, and she pointed out to me that Mark Critch (of 22 Minutes fame) was standing over near the bar. I waited til he was finished talking to his friend, and then politely asked for a picture, to which Mark agreed. As he was getting a picture with Sile, I was telling him that she was a new Newfoundlander, had only been here three months; moved here in March. He was impressed with me for getting her to move here, and even more impressed with her for moving.

Next up was Cory, whom I had tweeted earlier in the week asking for a picture. He had agreed over Twitter, and so a picture was clearly in order. I waited until he was finished talking to who he was talking to, and then he turned my way. “Hi there!” he exclaimed, giving me a hug. I beamed. “My mother told me that I had to tell you to tell Alan that it’s about time that he had a good Pentecost boy playing for him.” Cory laughed, “I’m going to tell him that,” he said. I told him that I had tweeted him earlier in the week asking for a picture. “That was you?” he grinned, and I nodded. “Well are we going to get a picture?”  Of course I agreed, and we got a shot. After Sile got her shot with him, I introduced them, and then Cory thanked us for coming. We smiled back, and then headed across the room, to my main focus of the night.

Alan; there he was, dog-tired, but still hanging around for his fans. I waited for him to turn my way, and when he noticed me standing there, he came down the couple stairs that separated the table area from the floor. He pulled me in for a hug (which shocked the hell out of me as it was something I had always wanted) and said, “Thanks for coming tonight love.” I grinned back, glowing from the hug, “Wouldn’t have missed it.”

He saw my Newfoundland Herald again and looked over at me, boyish delight clearly showing in his green eyes, “Can I read that? I haven’t seen it yet.” I nodded and passed the Herald to him, and he flicked through it to find the article about himself. Now for anyone who hasn’t read it, right next to the last page of the article about Alan is a short one page review of the recent Chris Deburgh show in St. John’s. “Holy Shite,” Alan exclaimed, “It’s me and Chris Deburgh! That’s friggin awesome!”

My CDs and his set list (which I had managed to snag as it had been right within my reach) all got signed (Safe Upon the Shore got a ‘Cheers’ as did the Newfoundland Herald, and the Boy on Bridge CD with ‘Thanks’) at this point. As you can see by the picture of the list posted above, he signed it with “Last night of the tour” along with his signature smiley face. He had to confirm with Sile that it was indeed June 10^th, and once he had, wrote down the date on it as well. We got a picture together (for the first time in over three years) and so did Sile (her first time meeting him). Now I’m not normally a girl that likes photos of herself, but the picture of me and Alan was the best one that we’ve ever had together (and we’ve had three previous ones). We (Sile and I) got a photo with him in the middle, one that we have both agreed gets blown up to an 8” by 10” and framed for our new apartment.

As it’s a surprise, I can’t say who he signed something for, but I’m pretty confident that when said friend gets said item that I will be in the running for “friend of the year” and that I will hear her scream all the way from her hometown! Also got a birthday autographed for Carolyn (like we said we would), and then left Alan alone.

Kendel was next, and she was incredibly sweet. She loved Sile’s dress and agreed that they were hair twins. We both got pictures with her, and then chatted some more, and then after looking but unsuccessfully locating Kris, I finished the last of my second drink at the club, and we headed outside. Right outside the Club, someone spoke to me. At first I couldn’t understand why he was or who he was, but then it hit me, “Spencer!” He had noticed me in the crowd as he was recording the show for CBC, and had to let me know by in-boxing me on FB; totally sweet.

All in all, Sunday June 10^th will go down as the most magical night of my life. I still can’t believe it all happened, and it’s been almost a week. I even wrote a poem to sum up my thoughts about the show, and if you’ll permit me, I’ll share it here with you all:

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My day had been amazing

I'd hung out with my friends

But little did I know

The best was yet to begin

You left it all on the stage 

On the last night of the tour

And if you could have given it

You would have given us more

After the show was over

And people had started to leave

I made my way over to where you stood

And then you noticed me

You smiled and pulled me in for a hug

Something I've always dreamed of

And then with that same smile on your face

You said "thanks for coming tonight love."

You'll never know what that meant to me

It's a feeling that can't be put into words

Your lyrics they rang true that night

You have to dream out loud to be heard

If I could relive that night again

I'd do it without hesitation

Six hours and heels and hurting legs

But you surpassed my expectations

If I could bottle up Sunday

And keep it for the ages

I would keep it close to my heart

And I would call it magic

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Krista

pictures from the concert can be viewed here