I can't believe what I've just done. I've just severed ties with one the one most important people in my life. And it feels like there is a dagger piercing my heart right now. Yet I can't find the words to really say what I want to say.
It angers me that she doesn't believe that I'm sick. It pisses me off that she can come into my apartment, yelling at me the way she did. I would NEVER, even though we have gotten into fights, yell at her in her own place like that. If she was truly worried, she wouldn't yell, or scream, or accuse me of lying to her.
Only I know the truth about school. I am not in danger of getting kicked out anymore. I had problems with one course, and now I've taken care of that. Discussed it with teachers and a guidance counselor. No, I'm not lazy. Not in the least.
But y'know what, maybe I'm better off without her. It comes down to this. Where the rubber meets the road. And I'm a lot stronger than I used to be. I'm not that little girl that you used to have to take care of, shelter, and protect. I wish you'd stop hovering and treating me like a baby. You're the only one who sees my disability when you look at me, and I'm sick of it.
"I'm stronger than yesterday/Its nothing but my way/My loneliness ain't killing me no more/I am stronger!"
Scratch that.
Right now I feel like I am about to fall apart. I feel as desperate as I did back in August of last year. Like I want out. Like I have nowhere else to turn. No other alternative. I feel like I need someone to wrap their arms around me and tell that its going to alright.
But I know I've got no physical person to do that right now.
God, I feel so alone. . .
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